Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
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