God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
