i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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