ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
