I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize