Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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