Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
