never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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