I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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