he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
