tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
