**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
