if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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