So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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