Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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