Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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