just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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