apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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