Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
