what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
