is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
