I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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