i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
