he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize