Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
