upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
