I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize