can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
