first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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