I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
