my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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