o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
