She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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