This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
we made out on top of his cat.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
