I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
