My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
