to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
