Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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