i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
