i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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