I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
