Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
