Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
