Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
