Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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