I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize