his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
