Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
