there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
where are my eyebrows?
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