neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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