If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
