I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize