dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
