i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
