We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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