dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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