Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
is wine microwaveable?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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