if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
