Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
