ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
