Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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