lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
