i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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