After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize